Self-Defence
by LoLoGreeneVines
Summary: Orihime Inoue demonstrates to Uryu Ishida precisely why he doesn't need to be worried about her walking home alone. Unrequited IshiHime. Moderate violence, played for laughs.


The handicrafts club had always been Uryu's favourite part of the school day. Despite his exemplary grades and the high expectations he was used to having heaped upon him at every opportunity, there was a wonderful serenity whenever he was sewing some project or other that precious few activities afforded him. It was easy to get lost for hours in the comfortingly repetitive motions of sewing.

Uryu's current project was a simple, yet elegant, cushion with his customary blue Quincy cross stitched on the front, and just as he was about to finish the row of stitches which would complete the final edge, he heard a voice.

"Ah. It looks like everybody went home already, Uryu."

Dragging himself from the zen-like calm of being absorbed in his own world, he looked up to see Orihime standing alone in the otherwise-empty room, looking at him. Evidently she had also been too distracted by her work to notice the rest of the club filing out when it was time to go home.

Orihime pointed out of the window and sighed. "Time really got away from us, it's already dark!"

Uryu finished the final stitch, glanced at his watch and determined that it was, indeed, six o'clock in the evening. "Ah, Orihime, will you be walking home?" he asked, making his way over to her in order to help her pack away her things.

"Yep!" she chirruped, snapping her sewing kit shut and accepting the folded square of embroidered fabric Uryu handed her, before putting it in her school bag and shouldering it.

"It's dark," Uryu pointed out, packing away his own cushion in a plastic bag and leading Orihime from the classroom before shutting the door behind them. "Please, allow me to walk you home. It's not safe for you to be out on your own."

"Oh, I'm sure it'll be fine!" insisted Orihime, waving an hand dismissively. "I live on the other side of town and you're just around the corner from here, so it's completely out of your way, and if anything happens, I'll have Hinagiku, Baigon and Lily to protect me, anyway."

Uryu folded his arms. "Not good enough. What if you're attacked before you have the time to put your shield up? Could you outrun these theoretical attackers?"

Orihime pouted slightly. "Well, you saw how well I fought against those Soul Reapers in the Soul Society. Tatsuki said I'm black-belt standard!"

"An impressive display, to be sure, Orihime, but with all due respect you had the element of surprise on your side, and there are higher belts than black-belt."

Uryu glanced at Orihime's face to see that she was grinning. "Would you like me to show you exactly _why_ I'll be fine?"

That grin was ominous. It spoke of secrets which should never be told, a darkness which he wouldn't ordinarily have associated with Orihime. Cautiously, Uryu nodded. "Okay. Show me."

"Put me in an headlock."

He blinked in surprise. "What?"

"An headlock. A tight one," Orihime repeated, dropping her bag on the floor and facing away from Uryu. He tried to gauge her intentions, but he couldn't quite tell what she was thinking. Either way, she sounded pretty certain.

Uryu dropped his bags by her side and stood behind her. It suddenly occurred to him that aside from them, the corridor was completely empty.

"Are you sure about this, Orihime?" he asked.

"Absolutely positive," she replied, and even though he couldn't see her face he could hear the smile in her voice. Deciding to do as she said, he snaked an arm loosely around her neck, keeping as much distance between himself and her as he possibly could.

"It really needs to be tighter."

"Oh, this is ridiculous," Uryu said, moving to remove his arm but stopping when Orihime grabbed it. "Look, I don't want to accidentally hurt you."

Orihime sighed. "You _won't_ hurt me. Just trust me." She removed her hand from his arm and briefly turned her head around to give him a reassuring smile.

Uryu took half a step closer to her until her back was pressed against his chest, and he tightened his arm around her neck as much as he could while still being sure that he wasn't hurting her. Suddenly, the memory of the last time he had had her in his arms, rescuing her from Jirobo Ikkanzaka in the Soul Society, came back, and he found that his nose was less than an inch away from her hair. He breathed in the smell of her shampoo, remembering it from the last time, awkwardly hyperaware that quite a large proportion of his body was in contact with hers...

_SMACK._

Before he was aware of what was happening, Uryu found his glasses being removed from his face and he was thrown into the air and over Orihime's skinny shoulder, flying towards the floor, and he was quite certain that had she not acted quickly and placed his newly-sewn cushion precisely under his head, he would have had a fractured skull to contend with when he hit the floor. As it was, the impact winded him, and he wondered for a second if he had bruised anything.

After a couple of seconds of confusion, Orihime came into his view, dusting off her knees and offering him a hand. He accepted it apprehensively, and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet.

"What was that?" he asked, wincing in pain as his tailbone rocked off the ground. _Yep. Definitely bruised_.

Orihime beamed, handing back his glasses. "Oh, just something Tatsuki taught me. Simply dropping to your knees if you're in an headlock flips the assailant onto their head."

Uryu stared at Orihime. "That was impressive," he wheezed. "Dangerous, but impressive."

Orihime tilted her head slightly to the side. "I'm really sorry, though. I didn't mean for the impact to be quite that hard. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Uryu forced out, careful not to let her see his pained expression as he replaced the glasses. "Okay, so you're good if somebody attacks you from behind."

"Yep!" Orihime confirmed, bending down to pick up Uryu's bags and hand them to him. "Now, would you like to see how I'd deal with an attack from the front?"

Uryu squinted at her posture, hands held out in front of her and her right knee slightly bent, and he paled. There were really any number of reasons why he _didn't_ need to be on the receiving end of a groin-attack from Orihime.

"Ah, no, I believe you," he conceded, dusting himself off as she cheerfully picked up her own bags and they began walking down the corridor and out into the courtyard. "Are you quite sure you don't want me to walk you back?"

Orihime spun around on her heel and began walking backwards, still facing him. "Of course! I really appreciate your offer, and the company _would_ be nice, but I'd just feel too guilty for making you walk all that way. See you tomorrow!"

With a smile and a wave, she turned and bounced away, her bag thumping against the back of her legs.

"See you," Uryu echoed, watching as Orihime disappeared into the darkness and trusting that even if something happened, she would be able to protect herself.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's notes: Just because the mental image of Orihime flipping Uryu was just too funny to let escape without turning it into a fic. In case you were wondering, I have heard that this method actually does work for flipping people, but I've never tried it myself so don't quote me on that. My friends are used to a degree of good-natured verbal abuse, but I doubt any of them would tolerate being thrown on their heads. O.O<strong>


End file.
